Too funny. Posted on Scribd:
MIT certainly has a reputation to be proud of, but its admissions department went a little over-board, I think. The first letter is an honest-to-goodness mailing from MIT, the second is one prospective student’s reply:
Recruitment letter:
Mr. John T. Mongan
123 Main Street
Smalltown, California 94123-4567
Dear John:
You’ve got the grades. You’ve certainly got the PSAT scores. And now you’ve got a letter from MIT. Maybe you’re surprised. Most students would be.
But you’re not most students. And that’s exactly why I urge you to consider carefully one of the most selective universities in America.
The level of potential reflected in your performance is a powerful indicator that you might well be an excellent candidate for MIT. It certainly got my attention!
Engineering’s not for you? No problem. It may surprise you to learn we offer more than 40 major fields of study, from architecture to brain and cognitive sciences, from economics (perhaps the best program in the country) to writing.
What? Of course, you don’t want to be bored. Who does? Life here *is* tough *and* demanding, but it’s also *fun*. MIT students are imaginative and creative – inside and outside the classroom.
You’re interested in athletics? Great! MIT has more varsity teams – 39 – than almost any other university, and a tremendous intramural program so everybody can participate.
You think we’re too expensive? Don’t be too sure. We’ve got surprises for you there, too.
Why not send the enclosed Information Request to find out more about this unique institution? Why not do it right now?
Sincerely,
Michael C. Benhke
Director of Admissions
P.S. If you’d like a copy of a fun-filled, fact-filled brochure, “Insight,” just check the appropriate box on the form.
Reply letter:
May 5, 1994
Michael C. Behnke
MIT Director of Admissions
Office of Admissions, Room 3-108
Cambridge MA 02139-4307
Dear Michael:
You’ve got the reputation. You’ve certainly got the pomposity. And now you’ve got a letter from John Mongan. Maybe you’re surprised. Most universities would be.
But you’re not most universities. And that’s exactly why I urge you to carefully consider one of the most selective students in America, so selective that he will choose only *one* of the thousands of accredited universities in the country.
The level of pomposity and lack of tact reflected in your letter is a powerful indicator that your august institution might well be a possibility for John Mongan’s future education. It certainly got my attention!
Don’t want Bio-Chem students? No problem. It may surprise you to learn that my interests cover over 400 fields of study, from semantics to limnology, from object-oriented programming (perhaps one of the youngest professionals in the country) to classical piano.
What? Of course you don’t want egotistical jerks. Who does? I *am* self-indulgent *and* over confident, but I’m also amusing. John Mongan is funny and amusing – whether you’re laughing with him or at him.
You’re interested in athletes? Great! John Mongan has played more sports – 47 – than almost any other student, including oddball favorites such as Orienteering.
You think I can pay for your school? Don’t be too sure. I’ve got surprises for you there, too.
Why not send a guaranteed admission and full scholarship to increase your chance of being selected by John Mongan? Why not do it right now?
Sincerely,
John Mongan
P.S. If you’d like a copy of a fun-filled, fact-filled brochure, “John Mongan: What a Guy!” just ask.
I guess the cold made them do it! Brrrr!
Pretty neat. The Internet in 5 minutes.
An old tale from Norway:
Once upon a time there was a man who was so bad tempered and cross that he never thought his wife did anything right in the house. One evening, in haymaking time, he came home, scolding and swearing, and showing his teeth and making a commotion.
“Dear love, don’t be so angry. That’s a good man,” said his wife, “tomorrow let’s change jobs. I’ll go out with the mowers and mow, and you can mind the house at home.”
Yes, the husband thought that would do very well. He was quite willing, he said.
So early the next morning, his wife took a scythe over her neck, and went out into the hay field with the mowers and began to mow. But the man was to mind the house and do the work at home.
Care to guess how this ends? Click the link below! Hint: women will find it hilarious, men not so much.
Love this one by Irene Suchocki on Flickr. There’s a story here somewhere.
Via Language Log:
Jennifer Gilmore’s report on her family’s Christmas celebration, in the New York Times Magazine “Lives” column of 12/24/06, “Jewish Family Christmas”:
My father, who is 100 percent Jewish, has always been obsessed with Christmas. He grew up in Minneapolis, in an unobservant household, and he considers it part of his childhood. ”I remember the lights, the trees,” he used to say to my little sister and me. ”It was magical.” He decorates the mantel with Christmas cards and tapes mistletoe to the doorways, and one year he even tried to get my mother, also Jewish, with a much more observant upbringing, to allow an evergreen wreath on our front door. ”I can’t live with that,” she said. ”I just can’t. Nothing on the outside of this house. We’re Jews, for Christ’s sake.”
Wow:
Coffee and Health: Health Benefits of Coffee
Coffee has been a medical whipping boy for so long that it may come as a surprise that recent research suggests that drinking moderate amounts of coffee (two to four cups per day) provides a wide range of health benefits. Most of these benefits have been identified through statistical studies that track a large group of subjects over the course of years and match incidence of various diseases with individual habits, like drinking coffee, meanwhile controlling for other variables that may influence that relationship. According to a spate of such recent studies, moderate coffee drinking may lower the risk of colon cancer by about 25%, gallstones by 45%, cirrhosis of the liver by 80%, and Parkinson’s disease by 50% to as much as 80%. Other benefits include 25% reduction in onset of attacks among asthma sufferers and, at least among a large group of female nurses tracked over many years, fewer suicides.
In addition, some studies have indicated that coffee contains four times the amount of cancer-fighting anti-oxidants as green tea.
How very cool (from Associated Press):
BRISTOL, England – A western lowland gorilla has given birth at a zoo in southwest England after being given a fertility drug that is normally used on humans, zoo officials said Friday.
The baby gorilla was born at Bristol Zoo Gardens on Dec. 15, the zoo’s deputy director Dr. Bryan Carroll said.
Looks familiar somehow…
I just found out my favorite song from the sixties became a hit again in dance clubs. Of course, I don’t get out, but there’s always YouTube! Nice to be able to hear it again:
